My mom didn't raise a quitter....
Am I looking for trouble? I tend to think I may be. You see I just quit smoking. I had/have to… Dr’s orders and wife’s, child’s, dog’s neighbors, sisters, mothers etc. You name anyone and “they” want “me” to quit. I recently found out I have high blood pressure; I’m like 30 or so, what’s up with that crap. By all accounts I’m the result of natural selection gone terribly awry, but high blood pressure, less carbs or is it more carbs, manic depression and stress? WTF? Dude, there should be some kind of conception interview where a zygote can go… “Nah, sounds like a real pain in the ass.” That’s for another day though huh?
Quitting… I have quit again and by that I mean I am smoking less and intend to quit completely in the very near future and the current decrease in nicotine I am receiving is directly reflected in the current increase I feel in annoyance and just plain anger at most anyone who crosses my path without a cigarette to offer. First, you must understand my dilemma, I smoke like an alcoholic drinks. You will see should you decide to continue further that my arc is comparable not only in reasons/excuses, (Of which there are many) but how I continued, why I love it, and now how I’ve reached rock bottom. First I need to go downstairs and take a break.
Now, I feel much better. As I was saying, there is really no difference between myself and an alcoholic. I don’t believe there is any such thing as an ex-smoker. Henceforth ex-smokers will simply be referred to as “they” or “them” or the “Yea rights”. I know a few and by that I mean a lot of ex smokers and they are just as full of crap as I am. If you are one of those people who bought “Body Solutions” and thought you could really lose weight while you slept, than you know what “they” are selling… I just can’t/won’t/don’t and have to buy it, all at the same time, and for the same reasons you bought the “Body Solutions….” The thing that I can’t get around is the fake cough that “they” use when “they” even think they smell smoke, or the ability of “they have” to tell almost anyone who resembles a hominoid how long they have been smoke-free. I bet most ex smokers that you know around the office or among your group of friends can and do rattle off this info surreptitiously especially around “us” smokers.
For me, watching this pitiful group and knowing I must soon join “them” is just another sign I’m growing up, losing my mojo, not to mention my hip cool edginess I always envisioned I possessed. Whether or not I was ever cool or edgy is debatable, but I know this. I didn’t used to get made fun of by 13 year old skater kids when I was in the 18-24 demographic. I was still better because I could buy beer and cigarettes. I could drive and legally get laid. Not anymore… I’ll tell you more about the skater kids later...
Up until recently when a friend told me they were quitting I felt a sense of loss like, “Damn, we lost another one” to “the man”, you know what I’m talking about. When you were courting the nicotine devil in your early days there was a sense of rebellion about it, and there still is; only you’ve now become the “man” so why stick it to yourself? It just doesn’t make any sense.
When a person first experiments with anything and most people do. There are but two different results. One either has a bad experience and says “This ---- is not for me!” or they go “Wow, I really dig this!” I fell or inhaled myself into the second category. Too bad for me, I felt good, it was rebellion and that was very punk rock at the time. At this point smoking was simply social. And then… I started smoking by myself to clear my head, to relax, to catch a break, and finally because I was addicted and it was also a habit I enjoyed.
I’ve tried to quit before mind you, I’ve tried becoming a social smoker, or to only smoke when I have a drink with the alcoholics. Here’s the problem, like them, I’m VERY social. I also finally figured something else out on this journey; alcoholics keep drinking because they are smokers. They just smoke socially.
Now, I have high blood pressure. I am the man. I have a child REN, and I’m obviously not very punk rock anymore. Oh, and did I mention I get made fun of by groups of 13 year old skater kids? I’m going to quit smoking, but I’ll always be a smoker, just as an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. Man, I need a cigarette… I’m going to find a “Yea Right!” to talk me down from this nicotine ledge right now. Then, I’m going to tell the world how long I’ve been smoke free and make fun of you smokers left out in the cold, or I’ll just cough in your general direction. You’ll get the point. I’m you… And when you are ready, I’m sure I can scrounge up a bottle of Body Solutions and we can discuss….
Quitting… I have quit again and by that I mean I am smoking less and intend to quit completely in the very near future and the current decrease in nicotine I am receiving is directly reflected in the current increase I feel in annoyance and just plain anger at most anyone who crosses my path without a cigarette to offer. First, you must understand my dilemma, I smoke like an alcoholic drinks. You will see should you decide to continue further that my arc is comparable not only in reasons/excuses, (Of which there are many) but how I continued, why I love it, and now how I’ve reached rock bottom. First I need to go downstairs and take a break.
Now, I feel much better. As I was saying, there is really no difference between myself and an alcoholic. I don’t believe there is any such thing as an ex-smoker. Henceforth ex-smokers will simply be referred to as “they” or “them” or the “Yea rights”. I know a few and by that I mean a lot of ex smokers and they are just as full of crap as I am. If you are one of those people who bought “Body Solutions” and thought you could really lose weight while you slept, than you know what “they” are selling… I just can’t/won’t/don’t and have to buy it, all at the same time, and for the same reasons you bought the “Body Solutions….” The thing that I can’t get around is the fake cough that “they” use when “they” even think they smell smoke, or the ability of “they have” to tell almost anyone who resembles a hominoid how long they have been smoke-free. I bet most ex smokers that you know around the office or among your group of friends can and do rattle off this info surreptitiously especially around “us” smokers.
For me, watching this pitiful group and knowing I must soon join “them” is just another sign I’m growing up, losing my mojo, not to mention my hip cool edginess I always envisioned I possessed. Whether or not I was ever cool or edgy is debatable, but I know this. I didn’t used to get made fun of by 13 year old skater kids when I was in the 18-24 demographic. I was still better because I could buy beer and cigarettes. I could drive and legally get laid. Not anymore… I’ll tell you more about the skater kids later...
Up until recently when a friend told me they were quitting I felt a sense of loss like, “Damn, we lost another one” to “the man”, you know what I’m talking about. When you were courting the nicotine devil in your early days there was a sense of rebellion about it, and there still is; only you’ve now become the “man” so why stick it to yourself? It just doesn’t make any sense.
When a person first experiments with anything and most people do. There are but two different results. One either has a bad experience and says “This ---- is not for me!” or they go “Wow, I really dig this!” I fell or inhaled myself into the second category. Too bad for me, I felt good, it was rebellion and that was very punk rock at the time. At this point smoking was simply social. And then… I started smoking by myself to clear my head, to relax, to catch a break, and finally because I was addicted and it was also a habit I enjoyed.
I’ve tried to quit before mind you, I’ve tried becoming a social smoker, or to only smoke when I have a drink with the alcoholics. Here’s the problem, like them, I’m VERY social. I also finally figured something else out on this journey; alcoholics keep drinking because they are smokers. They just smoke socially.
Now, I have high blood pressure. I am the man. I have a child REN, and I’m obviously not very punk rock anymore. Oh, and did I mention I get made fun of by groups of 13 year old skater kids? I’m going to quit smoking, but I’ll always be a smoker, just as an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. Man, I need a cigarette… I’m going to find a “Yea Right!” to talk me down from this nicotine ledge right now. Then, I’m going to tell the world how long I’ve been smoke free and make fun of you smokers left out in the cold, or I’ll just cough in your general direction. You’ll get the point. I’m you… And when you are ready, I’m sure I can scrounge up a bottle of Body Solutions and we can discuss….
posted by DJ KFC and the Pot Pan Kitchen Posse at 6:16 AM
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