My Wife and the PLO
So, tonight I told my sister I’d taken to blogging per her advice. I think in all honesty she had told me to start a blog not because she thinks I’m witty or have anything particularly interesting to impart to the blogosphere, but rather most likely to get me to stop talking.
See, I tend to verbally vomit on anyone or anything available on almost any occasion about pretty much anything zinging about my brain at any given time. “Look that dog has a fluffy tail!” kind of shit. To help you understand, I’ll give an example.
My wife actually fell asleep tonight while I was answering a question SHE asked ME? How does that work? Let that soak in…. So, she says “Hey, what’s up with Israel getting all bent out of shape today?” As I proceed to explain the inner workings of a Hamas led government vs. that of the PLO and its impact on Israeli / Palestinian relations, the spread of terrorist tactics and the kidnappers demands she actually started snoring…. Granted she probably didn’t need to hear my thoughts on the Old Testament, but come on, that’s just plain disrespectful…. Right?
If this kind of crap has ever happened to you, face it, you are a “talker” On more than one occasion I have been talking to someone on my cell, or at least thought I was, and then after or rather between thoughts, noticed an eerie silence, not like sling blade silence or anything, but the silence that indicates the person on the wrong end of your convo has either a: fallen asleep…. refer to (”wife” exhibit a.1 above) or b: your cell call was dropped and you realize that it’s possible and very likely you have been talking to yourself for 3 minutes.
I figure this blogging thing may in fact help me, which is probably what my sister was trying to do. It might be a cyber form of a twelve step program for the “chatty”….
Step one: write it down Jer, if we want to know what you’re thinking we’ll read it, don’t want to ask you and end up late for work….
Step two: seriously, didn’t that sound better in your head; it’s like that time you tried to impress people with your ghetto dancing skills….
Step three: don’t ask anyone to read your damn blog.
fuck step 3, if I’m not talking, you bitches better be reading, cause I forgot all the baby sign language I learned before my first kid could talk, you know what that little dude needs a blog, Christ he never shuts up.
Step four: No wonder alcoholics’ relapse this is a bunch of crap to remember.
Step five: I think I get a token or something.
Step Six: Never talk about Fight Club….
You get the idea, or I guess more accurately I’m getting the idea….
See, I tend to verbally vomit on anyone or anything available on almost any occasion about pretty much anything zinging about my brain at any given time. “Look that dog has a fluffy tail!” kind of shit. To help you understand, I’ll give an example.
My wife actually fell asleep tonight while I was answering a question SHE asked ME? How does that work? Let that soak in…. So, she says “Hey, what’s up with Israel getting all bent out of shape today?” As I proceed to explain the inner workings of a Hamas led government vs. that of the PLO and its impact on Israeli / Palestinian relations, the spread of terrorist tactics and the kidnappers demands she actually started snoring…. Granted she probably didn’t need to hear my thoughts on the Old Testament, but come on, that’s just plain disrespectful…. Right?
If this kind of crap has ever happened to you, face it, you are a “talker” On more than one occasion I have been talking to someone on my cell, or at least thought I was, and then after or rather between thoughts, noticed an eerie silence, not like sling blade silence or anything, but the silence that indicates the person on the wrong end of your convo has either a: fallen asleep…. refer to (”wife” exhibit a.1 above) or b: your cell call was dropped and you realize that it’s possible and very likely you have been talking to yourself for 3 minutes.
I figure this blogging thing may in fact help me, which is probably what my sister was trying to do. It might be a cyber form of a twelve step program for the “chatty”….
Step one: write it down Jer, if we want to know what you’re thinking we’ll read it, don’t want to ask you and end up late for work….
Step two: seriously, didn’t that sound better in your head; it’s like that time you tried to impress people with your ghetto dancing skills….
Step three: don’t ask anyone to read your damn blog.
fuck step 3, if I’m not talking, you bitches better be reading, cause I forgot all the baby sign language I learned before my first kid could talk, you know what that little dude needs a blog, Christ he never shuts up.
Step four: No wonder alcoholics’ relapse this is a bunch of crap to remember.
Step five: I think I get a token or something.
Step Six: Never talk about Fight Club….
You get the idea, or I guess more accurately I’m getting the idea….
2 Comments:
LMAO... last night we are watching the Chapelle show and there is this skit about the "award show music." The "wrap it up" box... I often feel like people are tuning me out... maybe I should start blogging too, HA!
you should, ur pretty damn funny....
Post a Comment
<< Home