UMPWESDSLMF

Last night I was accused of being “sappy” although I think it may have been intended as a compliment. It went something like this.

Me: what’s up?

Unnamed, man purse wearing, Elliot Smith dedication song loving, metrosexual, friend: About to go to sleep…

Me: (to myself) it’s only like midnight on a Wednesday….

Me: (to UMPWESDSLMF) Really? Sorry man…”

UMPWESDSLMF: When you write it’s all sappy….

Me: Pot

UMPWESDSLMF: Kettle

Me: night…

There was obviously more to it than that, but that was the gist… In this installment I will prove to myself mainly and all you “haters” how I roll….

From now on:

1. I’m no longer gonna go shoe shopping with any of you again, ever…. If you need shoes pick em out yourselves, I got better shit to do than be telling you how your feet look… Aight!
2. Next time you deserve a “thank you” card, you’re just getting an e-mail…. “Awww…. SNAP!”
3. If I make you dinner, from this point forward, you’ll have to be getting your own drink and making your own plate, unless you are my wife or child, in which case, I’m sorry for offending you and will do as I’m told…..

The really funny thing is, I can only come up with 3 new ways to make myself more macho and less “sappy”……..

I’m all about the “sapp” whether it be “tree”, “warren” or “y”

Dick...

But I mean that in the “sappiest” of ways… you know that……