PEDS X - ing?

Yesterday I knew two things.

First that the only spacious handicapped stall I feel comfortable enough to poop in (while at work and only when I absolutely cannot hold it till I get home) would be occupied. This part never fails, and secondly that maybe I had “a” little boy with a thyroid problem.

When I left work I knew three things. First I was right about my first assumption, so I had to go to the mezzanine level to poop comfortably, and I still had one infant with a possible thyroid problem and now may need to worry about our 2 and ½ year old who also seems to have a thyroid issue.

I think maybe our pediatrician hates me, or maybe I hate her…. Not sure yet, but I find it unsettling and maybe a bit scary that I seem to be putting this puzzle together more quickly than the very people who specialize in this shit.

I know, the 2 people who actually read this (including myself) are aware, my wife and I had another little boy (premature) like 9 weeks ago… His name is Evan. Apparently he is having some trouble with his thyroid, now as I understand it – at least according to the state of Texas (they sent us a letter) – this condition – if left untreated – could result in: a helmet and a small yellow bus picking him up for SPECIAL school (where he would learn not to stick a fork in his eye, and not to put urine into squirt guns etc)….

Obviously, this possibility of hypothyroidism scares and alarms me on so many levels, because his brother is so very smart, and you naturally want the best for your children in every regard. AND there are most likely many (from what I understand) ways to solve this problem with supplements and changes in diet that will enhance not hinder his brain development in the slightest. (And probably make all of us a bit healthier in the process)

As this process from Evan’s birth to now has unfolded, we have done 3 separate thyroid tests, not to mention, or actually maybe simply TO mention he was a preemie, so there were other issues to begin with.

Evan and Rhett’s new Pediatrician has been testing away, each time with varying test results… All of them different; some better, some worse etc. The third sets of tests were bad again, so at this point on Thursday I choose to call the boys new pediatrician about this and the fact that Rhett has been running a high fever for over a day. This gets complicated so I will refer to our current pediatrician as PED1.

My hope is that I will get some news on Evan as well, and to address some additional concerns. My hope is also that PED1 has talked with Rhett’s previous pediatrician whom I’ll call PED2 (She really rocked, but we moved to FW) in order to compare notes and that She in turn will have already relayed this information to the Endocrinologist.
(Referred to as ENDO below)

My hope is by the time I call HE (ENDO) will have more history and with this information will better be able to order additional tests and / or begin supplementation that he deems appropriate to further speed up the process to some extent, so Evan won’t be getting more special by the day… (I don’t think he is, but what do I know about brain development at 9 weeks or so…?) All I can do is compare that to what I do know, Rhett, and Rhett was smiling, cooing, and tracking objects at this point already. I’m concerned and would like to share these concerns with PED1, not Nurse Practitioner or receptionist. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that) they are referred to as (NP) and (REC) respectfully of course.

I call around 11:00 am it went like this.

Me: Is PED1 available, this is Jeremy?
REC: No, Is she expecting your call?
ME: You already answered the question, but if it will make you feel better- umm Maybe?
REC: Let me ask NP….. Long Silence
NP: Jeremy, how did you know I needed to speak with you?
ME: (In my head) Didn’t call to speak with you…
ME to NP: Sixth sense, I guess…
ME: (in my head) Cause you guys and the state keep telling me my kid could need a helmet…
NP: Great, hey PED1 talked to ENDO they want to run the tests again in 2 weeks?
ME: How bout now? PED2 said you may want to put Evan on supplements and PED1 has seen both kids, but seems to be missing the fact that he is huge and also had a thyroid issue. PED2 also said there may be cause for concern for Rhett if his body keeps growing so fast.
ME: What about Rhett has anyone looked at his chart? I believe he had a thyroid issue early on.
NP: Let me get it… (Long Silence)
NP: Now that I have them side by side…. Who’s so tall in your family?
ME: Nobody I’m aware of…
NP: So, according to his chart he’s like the size of most 4 year olds.
ME: Yeah is that a problem?
NP: Does he have any black leg hair?
ME: Yeah, I was concerned about that?
NP: (Long Silence) Does he have any pubic hair?
ME: WTF? – No, but what are you getting at?
NP: Does he have what you would consider, exceptionally large genitalia as compared with other kids…?
ME: Umm well, he plays with older kids cause he’s so big, and I’m not in the habit of looking at their genitals, (Now I’m all paranoid on a number of levels) but it is HUGE and he didn’t get that from me…. I just thought he was blessed.
NP: I need to speak to PED1 and can you get PED2 to give us a call.

So, Rhett is sick and I take him to PED1 after calling PED2 and actually speaking to her….
I get an appointment with PED1 and it turns out that PED1 has not even talked to PED2, Rhett has strep throat – sucks – he feels terrible, but PED1 gives him some penicillin and says after NP suggests it: Can you go and get these tests and a bone age scan done on Rhett, we need to send him to the endocrinologist.

ME: Will this mean we will be getting new tests for Evan sooner? Why wait 2 more weeks?
PED1: His tests would probably be bad again, if we ran them now.
ME: Then why aren’t we running different tests? (To myself: Dumb Bitch!)
ME: Is there any more new information about Rhett that will change the test or diagnoses ENDO wants to do on Evan?
PED1: We have to trust ENDO’s methodology.
ME: (To Myself) Not if it's based on your DBA. =Dumb Bitch Assessments)
PED1: But, yeah, Rhett’s been way off the growth charts for over a year and a half.
ME: Have you mentioned that to ENDO?
PED1: No, but he can see them separately.
ME: How about together with their respective tests that haven’t even been ordered yet for comparison? (To myself: CrackWhore!)
PED1: That’s a very good idea, I’ll check……

So, my real question is: what the fuck? Why didn’t they look at these kids and compare…. I don’t want Dirk and Sam, when I can have Rhett and Evan…. Very easily…

I know I’m being overzealous; shouldn’t she (PED1) be also at this point?

I’m sure that they’ll get it figured out and everything will be just fine, but in the mean time we’re stuck worrying.

Unfortunately, that’s what I do superbly well.