WTF Jer?

Let’s not shit ourselves.

Now that nobody actually reads this anymore, and the three people who actually did (read it) believe that I’m not one for writing anymore, I figure it’s safe to come back and brain dump.

The funny thing about writing is the disconnect. The disconnect from the reader, the disconnect from the bullshit we constantly tell ourselves and others, and the disconnect between what we say and do and what we actually feel and believe but are afraid to tell... ANYONE.

This disconnect exists whether you are writing a song or typing a letter. Unfortunately lately, that disconnect has become something I have begun to rely on whether I’m talking on the phone, typing an e-mail and even when I’m actually trying to say something from the heart directly to another human being. I count on being disconnected, (I think we all do) it seems to keep the world or at least my little bit of it sane, organized, clean, and free of questions which may result in answers... answers that might make my world or the worlds of others more complicated.

Complication, it’s a word I’m not fond of, but it is a fundamental truth in this life of ours and as much as I’m afraid of complication, it seems to be one of the things I’m most intrigued by. It’s the stuff I relish from afar no matter what I may tell you up close. Complication is what keeps life interesting that is, until things become too fucking complicated. Like when one single moment can seemingly, stop your heart, boggle your brain, and reverse the polarity of your most basic senses.

Over the past year or two or three, I have constantly tried to believe my own bullshit, despite my best efforts it would appear, I’m fighting a losing battle. Please don’t misunderstand the basics here; I’ve never been one to mince words about my core beliefs related to ideology or my fundamental belief that being unconventional is in itself some sort of retarded virtue. My cross to bear as it were, and see this is where the bullshit comes in... I’ve always in fact tried to “live within the framework” as a friend of mine is fond of saying. By that I mean I’ve always tried to be the kind of person I expect others to be. I’ve always tried to also stay true to my own convictions and adhere to my own principals (no matter how unconventional) and still live within the framework that seems to make most people pleasantly happy, and dull...

I wish it were one thing, I wish there was a point where black simply became white...

I wish I could write a novel or paint a picture using only oil and canvas, or write a song, and someone, anyone really... could read it, or look at it, or listen to it, and we wouldn’t have to communicate by speaking, they would just simply “get it” or get me. Sometimes that happens in everyones lives, but mostly it doesn't these days. We're bombarded. I wish that we as people could just communicate, calmly and rationally without infusing happiness, fear, jealousy, and sex, and love, and truth, and pain into everything. I wish there wasn't the hesitation.

The truth is: I guess we can’t BECAUSE we do...

Having children is so wonderful and trying and well.... it’s fucking complicated, as is love and marriage and work and fucking life. It’s a complex existence and it seems to get even more complicated the more choices we’re given. I am not religious in the traditional sense; the traditional sense scares the living hell out of me. I’m also not conventional, as that tends to have the exact same affect.

The people I surround myself with are also unconventional in sooo many ways, and I love them all due to this fact, but I respect them all for different reasons. For some it’s their honesty about themselves and their faults or limitations, I respect others for their bravado or lack there of, and still others teach me that in order to move forward and learn anything in our brief stint here; you must face complications head on, accept the gray in life and follow your own compass to whatever place you think might bring you happiness and sadness, safety and excitement, fear and yes I’m gonna say it, loathing....

I want the fairy tale, and not just for me, for everyone I love... And I love everyone in my life, but let’s not pretend. Let’s communicate, let’s stand naked before those we love and hope for acceptance, shy away from convention, run towards opportunity, and seek new knowledge, experience and wisdom. Because no matter what we say or what we do.... Life is complicated. That is not bullshit........Though many would have me, you, and everyone else believe it is not. Obviously, I’m still full of crap; I know this to be absolute....

Let’s just not shit ourselves any longer.... Let’s get interesting.

Boil it down to presidential policy: “Children’s do learn”