Je suis fini avec ceci. L'extrémité.

So, That is my new years resolution.

Why play with words when:

A: I'm not very good with them... And...
B: They are more often than not misconstrued as I have a habit of combining multiple thoughts in random order which, if read one way are the exact opposite of what I was trying to explain or express?

Look, this shit doesn't even make sense to me.

You see, THIS PLACE, it's my head...

It was for me... If it amused anyone, even a little bit... well, it served dual purposes. If you read it, you were part of it because I was writing about everything; and if you are a part of my life, you were in my thoughts... and therefore, you were here. BTW, I'm glad you were...

I always thought that there was nothing more intimate than opening a book or reading a story or listening to a song. Precisely because you were able to get into someones head. That was attractive and intimate and still is.

There is/was no filter and none necessary because it is esoteric. A kind of mindless braindump written at 2-3 am after a whiskey or three and before I went to bed.

But this became more of a diary, which ended up being therapuetic, until it no longer was.

What I've come to realize... Is at this point in my life, I no longer want anyone getting inside MY head. Hell, I don't even want to be there.

So, that's where it is. I actually had a good time with this and It's fun to read, but I think it's time I put it to bed. In the immortal words of Leslie "skeet skeet tom skerritt……"

BTW, That's a picture of Rhett one week after we brought him home. Christmas 2003

I'm very lucky.
g'night

I love you guys, I'll see you next year.

I effing told her!! Please refer to (Well Played) Post

CNN.com
updated 11:24 a.m. EST, Thu December 27, 2007

Benazir Bhutto assassinated

Truth and Fiction - OR - Whatever gets you through the Night!

If I could write one thousand stories or live one thousand lives... I think I'd choose life.

It seems that the truth I find is more complex in life and as for the stories, well they're just fiction right?

I know very little and share even less, despite what you may think.

I have come to realize that life is too short, as many others before have discovered. My stream of consciousness has officially been altered; now I'd like to write a few stories, as god knows we don't have that long to share...

BTW, I realize sharing is for pussies and for 12 step groups. I also realize this unfortunate fact will not disturb the hitch and BS in my personal philosophy.

They are as follows. Do with them what you will.

I have watched my friends fall apart this year. I too have fallen apart. It hasn't been pretty and holy crap; if I could share what I know, we'd be here all night.

But this shit: It's locked, I don't know what to do with all these secrets...

I do know this... They are safe. I'd like to ask a favor though. Can we collectively get our shit together this coming year...? I'm including myself.

I guess this is more of a hope than anything... Fuck me thrice!

Thomas Paine: wrote the pamphlets.... "Common Sense" and "The Rights of Man"... He died penniless. What does this have to do with this conversation, you ask?

Well, Uncle Tom, was fond of pointing out hypocricy, and turning it into powerful satire; pointed, sharp satire. He was part of the joke... And yet he was most likely the most influential man in American politics. Without, TP - (hehe) this country wouldn't exist.

Which brings me to the HOLIDAYS!

WOOOHOO! -he said with an air of emptiness.-

The holidays are full of music, well wishes, and superficial friend and familial CRAP. What they are not full of is HONESTY.

Don't get me wrong, I know; we all TRY and do our part. Here's the thing. The people we are trying to fool, are never fooled. The people we love are always toyed with; and for some reason, we don't use "COMMON SENSE" we refrain from the embrace, we are all flawed, scared, and overwhelmed by SIMPLY underwhelming everyone we love. -subtle reference to my own underwhelming achievements this year-

So, to those who say, I've been distant. I agree. Distance is my thing right now... I don't know how long it will last or if I'll EVER come back.

Please know this though as you chew on my melodramatic bullshit. If I tell you "I love you." I mean it and always will. When I say the word LOVE, I mean it.

It's a two way street though right? I think I've driven the wrong way.

If you need something, I'll get it or give it. That has been demonstrated to me by those of you who say and actually mean the same. I also realise these are probably far less in number than those who actually throw the phrase at me...

Unfortunately, we aren't honest (at least I'm not), we play with fire.... And yet we don't expect to get burned.
We want, but deny, we live as we die... It's sad really... And beautiful!

Now it is my time to thank you... I'll do it individually as it's honest and you deserve it. "The Rights of Man" are "Common Sense".........................................

A: Thank You for your logic; humanity, poise, friendship, and dignity - I learn daily.
S: Thank You - for your TRUE LOVE and all that you do, I wish I could tell you what the future holds, but that's not honesty... Is it?
SC: I thank you for being Fucking Real. It's a breath of the freshest air. There is more to say, but I don't feel I need to. You fucking rock!
T: You tell it like it is; and always make me eat me words - after the fact - Thanks
J: You are wise, loving and true, I look forward to your happiness; it's infectious.
L: Wow... What a year. Thanks for showing me what it's like to know who you are. I LOVE YOU! Thanks for everything you've done to help me this year. You're beautiful and wonderful.
K: Don't forget us when you are famous... You've made me think and write music again. Thanks for teaching me that life can only be compartmentalized so much, before LOSS is all we feel. Thanks also for putting up with me. Honesty is nice, when it's real, it's also hard to swallow when you realize that you have made a mess. (I have) Thanks for challenging me, I am a challenge. I'm very proud to know you.
R: I love you, I hope you always know this.
B: You never get the credit you deserve... It's wrong. You are someone I respect. More than you'll ever really know.
JB: Your honesty is perpetual and your aim is true. I'm honored to be a part of your life, although a small part
D: What can I really say... Love you
G: Ditto!
A: Stay strong, please call again, we'll get a drink. I love you.
M: Thanks, I'm sorry I'm a disappointment... It's what I'm good at. I love you.
R: I'm trying...
E: I NEED those hugs, thanks.


Happy New Year -
I love you all... That's common fucking sense!

Jer

FUCK ME, TWICE!

Cool or Lame?

Come on, YOU think it...

Probably all the time... If you're like me (LAME)!!! AND, you are... YOU are reading THIS BLOG?

(Take a minute to ponder that.)

A friend of mine and I were (pondering that) -NOT READING THE BLOG- last night, or rather, THIS morning.

There are certain parts of our lives that we ALL hold on to. For practical purposes mainly.

Like good times we had in high school or college, or when we got our first job, BJ, pretty girlfriend / boyfriend, merit badge (NEVER COOL MAN - EVER) - - whatever really.

I'm talking about the times when WE felt WE were actually cool.

It seems those are fewer now. hmmm?

First off, In my opinion - I think "COOL" means recognizing when: persons, places, things, or ideas are in fact, "LAME". This is the basis for ALL of OUR collective "COOL" moments. At least the "FEW" cool moments we each believed we experienced at some point. AND not by proxy.

That being my baseline. This following statement actually threw me for a loop.

My friend said: "Dude we're in our thirties; it's fuckin' cold, and we have to be either REALLY COOL or REALLY LAME."

Well, "Fuck me twice!"

What the fuck... Buzzkill dude. Seriously?

Aaaahhhh......

Now remember what my baseline for cool is: Did I now at this particular moment in my life no longer recognize that I had become "lame"? If so, when did this take place? Have others, we'll call them - "coolies" always realized I was lame? Have they taken pity on me?

Or was I cool, but somehow spellbound by my -lame- friend?

And the frightening thing is...

His statement and my question just above are - BOTH VALID - right?

As for my determination.... After much scraping (MUCH SCRAPING) and deliberation...

And even upon further reflection while scraping some more.

I think as I always have...

The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

I just think we're "cool" in a "lame" sort of way.

You?

Addendum: to this comment regarding grapples

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad you finally conceded that it's pronounced GRAPE-L.

And what's the Vegas reference...? Is that a shot at me?!

"Yes" and "Yes" - There are tons of shots at you everywhere ALL of them loving!