Be Good or Be Gone... and Pimp with Vision

As I blow away the ashes I flicked on my keyboard accidentally and begin to type tonight I'm realizing that my life of truth or dare has lost it's luster. BTW, this isn't news to me... This is obvious.

Hallelujah - The tree frogs are calling and it's obviously time for renewing vows of some kind.

"Everybody measures themselves by a ruler, it's all subjective, but if you try, whether it's good or not is irrelevant, I guess you shouldn't invest a shitload in what everyone else thinks..."

"The answers in life are never presented to us on a golden platter."

A quote from my best friend Alex...

I love you man..

I took the kids "trick or treating" this evening with the WIF, it was great!!! I missed a good part of the build up to Halloween, but I didn't miss the best part. I'm not the greatest father, this is a "truism", but I/we have a good time.

I'm lost, the only constant is change, (another truism) and that is somewhat comforting.

I have no idea which road to take, none of them are marked "safe", being mediocre at several things and mastering nothing is no longer working for me or my family.

I won't give up, I could be a mediocre writer, a mediocre songwriter, or a terribly unhappy corporate slug. I am thinking lately that Al and I could really do something with our 18 years of playing and recording music together, but it's going to really depend on us focusing on it.

Don't get me wrong, I still have a business I LOVE that needs to be run, and I have crazy responsibilities. That said, I have to find something that I'm truly good at, (that actually makes money) and that narrows the possibilities very much.

So, this is what I need. From my kids- patience, from friends and family - direction and truth, from my soul belief, and from you-honesty...

I'm a colossal failure in most respects, but I won't always be so stupid, with age does come wisdom in abstract form. My aim is true...

I love you all; please don't run.... You're running aren't you..?

I'll give it my best. Tell me, what are you here for?

I'm happy-err? when it's cold...

It struck me the other day, when I saw the Christmas trees up at the store. It's still October?

FIRST Rhetorical: Why the fuck are Christmas decorations up before Halloween?
SECOND Rhetorical: Where the fuck has this month gone?

The holiday season is tickling my proverbial ornaments in it's annual foreplay sessions, but I haven't had time to consent or even take a shower... Yet.

It has been a VERY confusing, rough, scary, crappy, wonderful, beautiful year, and I've learned allot.

Though I can't tell the story here... It is simply due to logistics, not want. I actually don't know if this story has an ending or if I'm in the middle, or possibly at the end.

Possibly the soundtrack to my life has been static, but the coldness, of fall has awakened me. Now it seems, the tape is consistently rolling and I must become something.

Things are moving; people are moving on, and I must remix and remaster, static is just wasted tape and time.

That out of the way now.... I need to get down to business with the holiday crap.

I actually love the holidays, Halloween is a favorite, but it's tomorrow and I haven't so much as stabbed a pumpkin with the kiddos (I don't mean trying to put children through pumpkins) or put eyeballs into green jello and mason jars. What kind of shitty dad am I?

WIF has made the spawn costumes - "Super Rhett" and "Super Evan" complete with capes, but we have missed the pumpkin patch, haunted houses, pumpkin seeds, and adult costume parties that make the holiday fun.

I think the secret to living is to do just that... live. That is what I'm/We're working on and toward. Only will can snap the coldness of idiocy.

I have to steal a line from David Duchovney

"Honestly, I do know that they won't always love me...no matter what..."

I need to carve a fucking pumpkin.

Do not blog about the boners

gospel sex - jesus fucks me yet again.....

precocious

From the latin: praecox or (Early Ripening) and coquere: (to cook)

Essentially, the word means to "cook early" or "ripen or mature too quickly"....

I, for one may "cook early" on occasion -noted-, but certainly could never be accused of "maturing too early". This is important, because I'm/We're apparently not grown ups.

My good friend Alex told me last night whilst he was on a camping excursion with the cub scouts and son that, and I quote..."It's kind of weird being around REAL grown-ups...

Now setting the stage a bit.... I was a little put-off by the statement at first. Alex and I are good friends and I was like... "Dude we're grown-ups, we got kids and shit, and we're good fathers etc..etc.. His reply... "No man, we aren't and neither is anyone we know..."

Precocious statement from a child I thought... (insert laugh now)

Now some of you may think I'm talking like a scientologist gone "clear", but I'm not... I think that wearing fake miltary outfits (So there is no confusion Alex doesn't BTW), becoming part of "a pack" and hanging out in the woods with guys who'd rather teach "hoop knots" than actually talk to their kids is goofy... Plus there is a strict "no alcohol policy"

AND it's a little gay...

Rhett and Evan - sorry guys - you can't join that club... If you want to be Indian Princesses... well, we'll talk, but camping will be done as a family or with friends..... And the ADULTS - AKA - Grown-ups... Will have a strict alcohol policy of their own.

It's true that I have precocious children, (THEY ARE EFFING SMART), it's true that I have not matured enough....
It is also true however, that I will never be a grown-up in the traditional sense. I'm never going to make millions, or join the church choir, I'm never going to be traditional...

Precocious?

Moving on.... The Saga of the "terrible almost 4's"

I think Rhett could be "Amish" It's unsettling, and it's something the WIF and I have been fretting about as of late.

He (Rhett) has begun to come home from school singing "Jesus Loves Me" AND, if that weren't bad enough. He has gotton to the point that he is up and ready to start the day (All day EVERY day) at 5:00 am.

WTF dude? Come on, would it kill you to sleep until 7:30 once in awhile?

If he starts expressing an interest in the fine arts of "barn-raising" or "cabinetry"...

Well, I could end up in a fucking church choir or on a cub scout camping trip....

FUCK ME

A gang?

Alex, Bryan, Ben, Traci, and Sarah

"I have to go... But I love you guys!"

Words, Words, Words..... What are they good for?

Yes Callers'....

That is the question.... Post a response. SERIOUSLY

I was thinking about why we write or sing or blog or talk and this being a blog, it IS, supposed TO be read, and NOT read.... Is there anyone out there, and if so.... why?

Why is any of this interesting, or engaging to you the reader, what purpose does it serve, in your life? In mine? Why should you care?

Yes, sometimes OUR (all of our) lives ARE funny, but are they funny haha, OR funny trainwreck?

Why do all of us take pictures or send cards or write in diaries....

Are we processing? Are we LEARNING?

The only thing I can come up with so far, is so we can see what kind of idealistic assholes we were at an earlier point in time. Maybe, it's to document that we weren't always assholes....?

Historical?
Narcissistic?
Private?
Naked?
Honest?
Funny?
Voyeurisitic?

It's not just documenting that we enjoy... What is it we enjoy.

BESIDES: Califonication and Weeds.

Leslie, If your comment is "fish tacos" I'm gonna kill you, BUT I would snicker a bit....

Love them

I'm all lost in the Supermarket....

Today, I took our one-time babysitter/little sister/housesitter to lunch. I hadn't seen her too much since she moved to Denton for school. She's kinda like that cool little sister I never had. I have a big one and she kicks ass, but she's actually small, and couldn't.

It's more complicated to write that thought than think it, cause believe me, people say my sister IS hot...

Why'd I write that? You know I don't mean it that way... fuck.

Anyway, she showed up at the house this morning, and interrupted my shower I might add, because she had just been fired from her job. I honestly think this may have been the first time she has actually been fired. She was obviously upset and worrying about surviving.

Then I thought of myself and I thought: "That really sucks!" I mean, she is like maybe finishing her freshman year of school, and she's racked with stress like she's 35...

So she hung out with the kids, talked to me and WIF, and I had to go to the store, so I asked her if she wanted to come with and get some lunch. We had to go to Wal-Mart - which by the way is of the SUPER Wal-Mart variety....

SIDENOTE: I think WAL-Mart's should really change their designation; when it comes to what different sized Wal-Mart's can sell you, and what curse words they invoke.

SUPER Wal-Mart's would be referred to as simply "Mother Fucking Wal-Marts"

And so on and so on....

http://www.walmart-blows.com/news.htm

Anyway, "Sissy" as Rhett calls her, cheered up and I made it through Wal-Mart in part because she has SUPER keen Super-Market skills - Thanks lissa

And it's because of her that today I didn't have a bourbon until noon...
In my liver's mind, I earned a chip.....

***'s

Well Played

So, tonight I have a ton to write about, but I'm not gonna... No, tonight you're just getting fluff...

I think this picture about sums it up. I spent a part of my day, albeit a small part, looking at lizard dicks... A woman wanted a "mate" for her lizard and needed to know whether she should be getting a male or female for her lizard, sooo; she sent me lizard porn.

In fairness to her, I did tell her I'd need to see a picture. So, technically; I asked for it...

Wow, at what point do you just think, "I should have listened to a guidance counselor?"

Now by looking at the femoral pores, (above picture) and the two bulges below the vent, and taking into account the lizards age, it definitely looks to be a boy. (Side note) REPTILES HAVE TWO DICKS - They can use either one, pretty cool... I mean if you were having trouble with one... I don't know why I care to even know this shit anymore...

Moving on...

A friend and I were talking this evening about bad ideas. It started when we were talking about the bombing today in Pakistan. You see it appears that the ex-leader of the country; former Pakistani Prime Minister - Benazir Bhutto, returning after years in exile, had her motorcade attacked by suicide bombers, which ended up killing at least 124 people and injuring 320 more, Bhutto, reportedly was unhurt. Hmmm

I explained that this was an example of people just not recognizing the difference between a good or a bad idea.

A. Good Idea= NOT returning to a country you were thrown out of during a military coup (You'll get killed) fuckin' duh!
B. Good Idea= adding "I am one of very few females to ever run an Islamic country for awhile" to your resume'

I mean in america, that chick would at the very least have an awesome book deal or be the newest replacement on "The View"

Instead I/we/people are drawn to bad ideas.

--Note to: Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto-- THIS is a Bad Idea= returning to a country still run by a military dictatorship, that just happened to kick your ass out of government, and likely on threat of your limbs, also the country. Get the hell out, You're still alive and now, a flippin' shoe-in for that "VIEW" gig...

As we began listing politically incorrect bad ideas, it dawned on me how funny some ideas are.

BAD IDEAS

1. "I'm only gonna be in west africa once, why not hook up with a stripper?"
2. Asking Republican Larry Craig if he "tap dances"...
3. Applying to be an "Ice Berg Look-Out Guy" , gets assignment to; Titanic, and thinks "This'll be easy shit- fucking thing is UNSINKABLE."
4. Buying light bulbs made by blind people- QA must be great, and you know if the fucking thing doesn't work, you sure the hell aren't going to ask for your money back... Then, you'd just be a dick.
4." Asking your WIF if YOU are being rational"
5. Eating local cuisine on Safari in the congo..
6. Giving your step mom a NEW bong for her birthday
7. Asking questions that you already know the answers to, that inevitably leave you stumped on a porch somewhere smoking ultra-light cigarettes"

Any and all of these ideas are bad, dangerous, and potentially lethal.... yet funny, sad, real, and possibly part of the reason we enjoy life.

Continuing my stream of consciousness...

Al and I recently went into the studio with another friend and recorded 6 new -rough- demo tracks for what I hope will be a full fledged EP of the variety that we could possibly sell. I'm quite proud of some of it, and Alex pulls off a killer vocal performance of a Rufus W. song "Vibrate" It's very much like Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" in quality and tone - perfect.

It's also an interesting song in that it seems to address in a very distinct way, the ramifications of communication in the digital age and the adjustments we must all make in our lives to communicate with each other in non-traditional ways.

Staying "connected" never really keeps us "connected" does it? It seemingly makes us spend less time with the people we should, who are right in front of us, more time with the people we want to spend time with who are far away, and generally leaves us with no time for reflection.

REFLECTING? Introspection?

I hope Al and I actually start playing more in front of actual audiences, it makes me happy I think.

I hope that all of the people in my life will still be in my life 16 or 17 years from now... I hope my kiddos know how much I love them and how proud I am to be their dad.

I hope I get more things right than wrong, AND....

I hope that myopic seeing eye dogs will eventually be able to get lasik eye surgery at the -Boothe Eye Care and Laser Center.

Night Night

impending lingerie pillow fights

Wow, Maggie... I can't help but feel for your kid, it's gonna be all down hill from here for him, poor bastard.

So it’s 11:32pm as I begin this entry.

There is actually something very cool about staring at an empty white page BEFORE I dirty it with random thoughts of no real consequence pieced together in no distinct order.

I operate on the theory that if you write 1000 pages or post 100 entry’s then, at least a few will be interesting. And so it is... 11:34 and I’m “all in”...

My friend Leslie (LBO aka Maverick) and Sarah C, (the weasel aficionado) are taking the WIF to a Rainbow bar for her birfday this year, which is coming up on October 12^th...

Now, this is disturbing on so many levels, and very cool... I’ll explain and you decide. Actually don’t, my life if Fucked up enough w/o listening to anyone else’s BS. I import Reptiles for a living for Christ’s sake...

First off, this was the WIF’s idea... no problem there... And I have a theory that everyone’s just a wee bit queer, so I’m certainly open to her exploring different parts of her world, I mean... I mean I been to the Rainbow clubs with “LBO” before and it was a good time... The “rainbows” know how to party for sure... That being said, their taste in music, not so good.... That was a generalization and I’m sure it’s wrong ¾’s of the time – sorry rainbows...

I’ll get back to the WIF’s impending lingerie pillow fights...

She asked a few of my/our friends to this shindig (all beautiful and talented ladies I might add), namely a Gecko Goddess, my Rainbow Connection, and a Finance Queen who again happens to be a weasel aficionado... I love all these ladies, and I tell all of them way too much about my life... Way too fucking much, so having them all in the same room scares the hell out of me, much less having all of them in the same room at a lesbian bar where I am NOT on a Saturday fucking night... drinking no less...

It’s kinda like in high school at a school assembly in the gym and you look up, and inevitably behind you, and there are like 4 of your ex girlfriends all sitting together, and they all look at you and wave, and you're like “fuck” “fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck....”

I will need some Valium here in a minute.

And she’s staying with Les (aka Mav/LBO) in Dallas that night...

As luck would have it GG or KK (she’s asked me to use it once – initials thing, add another K and we’re in dangerous territory can’t do it) uhhh, she has a reptile show in Chicago that weekend, and will miss out... (BONUS), but now they’re planning on two, yup that’s right, two trips to gay mecca, one for the WIF’s birfday, and one just “girls night” when all four can plot, plan, sip martini’s, talk shit, and pick up hot women, and I am jealous!

That I won’t be there.

It’s kind of the George Costanza rule of relationships... Separate worlds equal happy worlds, as long as they aren’t too separate and the happy isn’t too happy... You know what I mean. I’ll probably be home in my boxers on the couch eating a block of cheddar cheese, or...... well... whatever

Now, this being her birthday wish and me not being invited does lead me to a few conclusions.

Conc#1

I need to make a trip to the “spy store” TOMORROW and send LBO a "Teddy Bear" as a thank you for all she’s done to help us out whilst WIF was ill....

Conc#2

Maybe this is a good thing, not just the –Teddy Gram- but the fact that WIF doesn’t want me around for her birfday celebration, maybe it means:

1. I'm gonna get laid - eventually or
   
2. she hates me
3. she like girls
4. she might like girls and hate me
5. she may just be teasing me about liking girls and doesn’t hate me all the time
6. she may want to get jiggy again maybe even with me at some point
7. I just had to add “jiggy” to the dictionary in MS word...
8. She NEEDS her space AS MUCH as I do!!! Fucking great!

And now on to a few things I know... And a few things I think I know...

Britney Spears can't be that fucking stupid, can she?

Jenna Bush Can't be that Fucking smart, can she?

GWB vetoed a bipartisan bill TODAY which would continue to provide federal funding for the SCHIP program. (State Children's Health Insurance Program)

This federally funded program provided health insurance via the states to uninsured children and some under insured children.

His rationale for the veto was that the SCHIP program is excessive government spending on a social program and that some of the people receiving the added insurance don’t actually need it as, as they could afford the care without the federal programs help....

Last week GWB asked Robert Gates to ask Congress for another budget supplemental of $191, 000000000.00 for the continuation of the Iraq War....

Finally, The new Eef Barzelay album is great - check out his myspace page www.myspace.com/eefbarzelay

I love my WIF

SHE loves me

Things are tough... So what...

Happy Birthday – go get em tiger!

ME-fucking-OW....

Don’t drink too much, have fun AND...

I wouldn’t wear the prom dress.

Republicans Are Queer -Part 2

Senator Larry Craig – R. Idaho

Senator,

Please say the word “Lettuce” and spell the word CUP.....

Now dear reader refer to the post “Republicans Are Queer” below

Night.

WTF Jer?

Let’s not shit ourselves.

Now that nobody actually reads this anymore, and the three people who actually did (read it) believe that I’m not one for writing anymore, I figure it’s safe to come back and brain dump.

The funny thing about writing is the disconnect. The disconnect from the reader, the disconnect from the bullshit we constantly tell ourselves and others, and the disconnect between what we say and do and what we actually feel and believe but are afraid to tell... ANYONE.

This disconnect exists whether you are writing a song or typing a letter. Unfortunately lately, that disconnect has become something I have begun to rely on whether I’m talking on the phone, typing an e-mail and even when I’m actually trying to say something from the heart directly to another human being. I count on being disconnected, (I think we all do) it seems to keep the world or at least my little bit of it sane, organized, clean, and free of questions which may result in answers... answers that might make my world or the worlds of others more complicated.

Complication, it’s a word I’m not fond of, but it is a fundamental truth in this life of ours and as much as I’m afraid of complication, it seems to be one of the things I’m most intrigued by. It’s the stuff I relish from afar no matter what I may tell you up close. Complication is what keeps life interesting that is, until things become too fucking complicated. Like when one single moment can seemingly, stop your heart, boggle your brain, and reverse the polarity of your most basic senses.

Over the past year or two or three, I have constantly tried to believe my own bullshit, despite my best efforts it would appear, I’m fighting a losing battle. Please don’t misunderstand the basics here; I’ve never been one to mince words about my core beliefs related to ideology or my fundamental belief that being unconventional is in itself some sort of retarded virtue. My cross to bear as it were, and see this is where the bullshit comes in... I’ve always in fact tried to “live within the framework” as a friend of mine is fond of saying. By that I mean I’ve always tried to be the kind of person I expect others to be. I’ve always tried to also stay true to my own convictions and adhere to my own principals (no matter how unconventional) and still live within the framework that seems to make most people pleasantly happy, and dull...

I wish it were one thing, I wish there was a point where black simply became white...

I wish I could write a novel or paint a picture using only oil and canvas, or write a song, and someone, anyone really... could read it, or look at it, or listen to it, and we wouldn’t have to communicate by speaking, they would just simply “get it” or get me. Sometimes that happens in everyones lives, but mostly it doesn't these days. We're bombarded. I wish that we as people could just communicate, calmly and rationally without infusing happiness, fear, jealousy, and sex, and love, and truth, and pain into everything. I wish there wasn't the hesitation.

The truth is: I guess we can’t BECAUSE we do...

Having children is so wonderful and trying and well.... it’s fucking complicated, as is love and marriage and work and fucking life. It’s a complex existence and it seems to get even more complicated the more choices we’re given. I am not religious in the traditional sense; the traditional sense scares the living hell out of me. I’m also not conventional, as that tends to have the exact same affect.

The people I surround myself with are also unconventional in sooo many ways, and I love them all due to this fact, but I respect them all for different reasons. For some it’s their honesty about themselves and their faults or limitations, I respect others for their bravado or lack there of, and still others teach me that in order to move forward and learn anything in our brief stint here; you must face complications head on, accept the gray in life and follow your own compass to whatever place you think might bring you happiness and sadness, safety and excitement, fear and yes I’m gonna say it, loathing....

I want the fairy tale, and not just for me, for everyone I love... And I love everyone in my life, but let’s not pretend. Let’s communicate, let’s stand naked before those we love and hope for acceptance, shy away from convention, run towards opportunity, and seek new knowledge, experience and wisdom. Because no matter what we say or what we do.... Life is complicated. That is not bullshit........Though many would have me, you, and everyone else believe it is not. Obviously, I’m still full of crap; I know this to be absolute....

Let’s just not shit ourselves any longer.... Let’s get interesting.

Boil it down to presidential policy: “Children’s do learn”